Like a fish out of water

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I always thought that phrase was a bit hyperbolic. I am fairly uncomfortable in Las Vegas, but to say that I am like a creature gasping for air and destined to die if I don’t return to my natural environment is a bit over the top.

Still.

I can’t even honestly say that everyone should come here once in their life because, no. There are so many nicer places. on this planet. The only reason to come here is if you are on your way somewhere else, like Red Rock Canyon, just outside the city, or Hoover Dam up the road. But Las Vegas itself?  Save yourself the effort of travel and just drink a lot and then literally flush your dollar bills down the toilet. Have the Las Vegas experience — without the annoying time difference!

Some readers may be getting a little upset with me now, because I understand there are people who actually enjoy Las Vegas. Maybe I just haven’t found the right things to do here. I was here once before and saw Penn and Teller, and yes, that was fun. But incredibly expensive and not a ticket I would have purchased on my own. Maybe if I was a big Celine fan, but no.

All I see when I look around is ordinary-looking people sitting in front of slot machines, inserting a dollar, pushing a button, and repeating the process over and over again. Hey that looks like fun!

And then nothing says Americans value the sanctity of traditional marriage like a wedding party trooping through the casino, drinks in hand, the trail of the bright white wedding dress dragging across the casino floor.  Good thing kids can’t see this.

But wait! They can!  Because you can’t get to anything without going through the casino, kids CAN walk through on the way to the restaurants and shops. “Daddy why is that man kissing his dice and crying?”

If I were a millionaire and wanted to experience luxury, I would go to Paris, or London, or New York. But I am not a millionaire and I don’t have money to throw around. So to me, playing these games and acting this way as if we were all loaded just seems … silly! But what do I know — many years ago, some very nice people set up shop out here in the desert just so others could have a little fun and enjoy themselves. What nice, selfless people they were.

Flush.  Wheeeeeeee!

 

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4 comments

  1. I hope they’re still standing on the street passing out cards with big breasted women to all males over the age of three. I really enjoyed that in Vegas. Also, the fact that most people just throw them on the ground so the kids can get a really good look at them as they walk over them.
    I’m with you–Vegas is only useful as a place to fly into so you can go somewhere else.

    1. The hotel where we stayed and where the conference also was held is a great example of why I don’t like Las Vegas. It was fine, FINE I tell you. But ugh. The decor of the room was I guess what you would call “Modern”? Lots of brushed metal and teal and purple. A mirror over the bed, a framed print of a show girl’s eyes hanging above the headboard. Condoms and Advil included with the mini bar. The faucet in the bathroom was one of those beautiful curved deals that are totally dysfunctional and spray water all over the place when you attempt to actually use it. The shower was very large — built for 2? — but had no door, instead just a glass wall that only extended for half the shower.

      Shall I go on? I cannot stand form over function.

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